Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
