Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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