And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
