First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
