this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
