I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
