True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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