So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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