Can Purell be used as lube?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
