I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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