I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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