Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
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finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
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just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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