Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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