You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
