I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize