You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
