i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
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If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
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You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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