The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
