D3 body, D1 cock
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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