Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
