ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
this hospital has no fireball
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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