my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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