at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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