if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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