Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
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His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
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in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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