I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
