Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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