The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
