Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
