the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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