so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
