I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
