What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
