My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
