Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
