We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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