When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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