and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
