i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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