I can text with my tongue
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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