Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
