Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
