We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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