I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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