Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
