It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
