you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
