apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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