I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
