Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
