If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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