no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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