Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
