Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
