Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
