woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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