I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Please don't give away my fajitas
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
