She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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