I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
