We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The Olympian is in my bed
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