I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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